“I am capable of bringing people into this world that have the ability to be saved by God but it is not my responsibility to save them. Only God can do that.”

I have been thinking all day about the ramifications of this statement.

Maybe for some it would sound like an excuse not to speak the Gospel to our children, friends, co-workers etc. but I see it as an exciting reason to do the opposite. The weight of working feverishly to cause people to follow God is not attractive and really makes me feel like I shouldn’t even try because I will fail. But when my responsibility is only to share who Christ is and the his Gospel that has saved me and God does the rest… that sounds exciting.

And when I think about my kids. This takes such huge pressure off of my shoulders. I will lead them as best I can and teach them everyday of who God is but I am not responsible for saving them because only he can save them and bring them into his kingdom.

It brings to memory this text.

Then he said to his disciples, ”The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”    Matthew 9: 37-38

He is Lord of the harvest. He controls it. Owns it and reaps it’s benefits.

I like this.

I pray they never lose this confidence they have.

The pressure that is on young girls to conform and be just like everyone else is astonishing and saddening.

I don’t want to see my girls objectified ever, but more importantly I don’t want them to feel like they find value in people objectifying them.

The scary part for me is not the media pressure, but the pressure in seeing how young girls are enjoying the attention they are getting by men.

All of a sudden I see it everywhere. It’s hard thinking that what we’re seeing is the very thing the world wants for our girls.

I am so glad that God has other plans for our girls… His girls.

I know that I really love the idea of blogging and tweeting etc. but I constantly say to myself “who wants to read this sh…tuff.

Honestly.

I mean there are so many people that are much wiser than I and for the most part I couldn’t careless about what they have to say (don’t get me started on the endless blogs and tweets of the rich and famous).

But if the masses want to read that kind of writing (if you can call it that) then what could I possibly add?

A fresh perspective? Not likely

A new thought? Ha! You obviously don’t know me.

Something smart? As long as I don’t try to have a new thought.

Ok, I am going overboard a little but in all honesty what is the reason for the endless writings and tweetings(?).

Do we all have that many good things to say?

I’m not sure we do.

I think if we all spent less time reading 140 characters at a time and actually read literature, scriptures, world news etc we would be a lot better off, and I think we’d all have some good things to say.

Oh and if you think I’m hypocritical for using a blog to say these things… you’re probably right so let me have it… If anyone even reads this.

Elin

Ephram

Sarah

No matter what else happens in this life, I am blessed beyond what any one man could imagine.

With the arrival of our friends and good conversation about home it has got me thinking a lot about how we left. For many people we left to quickly. I have no doubts that it was the Lords timing but that didn’t make it easier. It’s caused loneliness in us for our friends and our city too, but God has been good to us in that way. We have had some very important people here that have made this feel as much like home as it could have under the circumstances. We thank you for that.

I am really excited for what God is doing in us while we are here, but at times I miss what was. I think about what could have been if we had just stayed. I wonder about how it’s possible that God wanted us to leave such amazing people for this time. I know we are going back but we have missed so much. I wonder why so many are able to stay and we had to leave. These are questions that I know the answer to but sometimes I still find myself pondering these answers.

I have noticed though, that as God works on my heart these questions become less prominent and the truth of His will, His plan, His love for me and His hand on my life becomes more apparent. I learn more every day to trust God more and I am committed to this work in me. I am so blessed to have these close friends in Regina and excited that this is continuing to develop here in Lethbridge. I am so blessed.

I was at Eston College a while back, I don’t think I blogged about this but if I did please forgive me, and while I was there we had an amazing night in the presence of God. After the service a dear friend described his time with the LORD as a mist on his face before the coming titlewave. I can’t even imagine what is coming if that’s true. But I miss the mist. I miss feeling a fresh gentle mist upon my face… It’s seem so cheesy but is so real.

As I study thought I am realizing the power of the presence behind Jesus is greater than anything I could ever imagine. That if The Father was to let me in to even sneak a peek at Jesus, my whole life would be turned upside down. I want that encounter. I want that revelation. I want to see the SON OF GOD.

So here I go,

Signing off & Pressing In

I have felt like nothing important is happening, or it’s so important and time-consuming that I haven’t felt like there is time to talk about it. This week that all changed. God is really at work in my heart.

I know that can be overstated amongst Christians but when I say that he’s working on my heart I really mean it. It is all a part of this new season that I’m in. I am now a Papa to 3 children and I have entered training for church planting on a full-time basis. The training looks like you can imagine with study, ministry and mentorship. Though he seems to be highlighting my heart as his main priority, still.

I’ve posted before about how God isn’t speaking to me much this year. I wish I could explain it better than that but I’m not sure how. See, I’m use to knowing God’s voice in a very obvious way, but this year he’s been almost completely silent. In the off circumstance that he’s not silent it hasn’t been actually hearing him speak, instead it is a sense that he wants me to do something specific. To be honest it often feels like a bit of a guess. Lately though, there has been a few cracks in that silence.

I recently went with Pastor Todd to Calgary for a conference called United for Dominion. It was really great being there. While there we spent a moment praying for a man who has cancer. In that moment I felt God’s presence. I mean I really felt it. This is what I remembered, this is what I have been crying for all year. I sat down because it was so amazing, I wanted to savour it. I started weeping uncontrollably, asking, begging for God not to stop.  He did, as I knew he would. I wasn’t hurt that it ended, I was excited by the ability to have that moment with him. For the next 24 hours I had more moments of his spirit with me in this way. It was as if, for a tenth of a second, he let the pain of my heart spill over. It was a little odd, and it felt a little like I was going insane.

As I talked to Todd about this on the way home he talked about how he has gone through the same thing. How he has never heard someone describe it the way I did because it was exactly how it happened for him many years ago. He talked about how it was like all the pain of his heart was spilling out of him through uncontrollable sobs but only for a second. He went on to talk about how that was the beginning of the end of his desert time with God. That made my day. The thought that this is nearing the end is refreshing, even if that end is still a year away.

So since that weekend I’ve spent this week realizing what has been hurting me. The things are much to personal for me and some others that I won’t go into them in such a public way. To get to the point though, I know that there are parts of my heart that I have not let Christ heal.

I don’t want that.

The LORD being so amazing has continued to put this in front of me and is showing me more and more everyday. Last Sunday Pastor Todd gave an amazing message on Faith. It was a confirmation for me. He seems to put these things a little more elegantly than I do, but it was exactly what I’m walking through. (If you want to hear the message here is the link)

This heart stuff is not a quick process. It’s been a year of God prying, pulling, pruning, planting and watering. There seems to be life springing forth finally. Passion has started sprouting in my heart again and I know that God will not stop. He wants my heart, and I want him to take it.

Hopefully this is the beginning of something beautiful.

Later

How soon? Well we aren’t really sure about that. There continues to be things happen to Sarah’s body that show us that she is continually progressing towards the inevitable, and although i do not wish the birthing process on her I do hope that it happens soon.

I mean for those of you women that have been through labour I salute you. *salute* I cannot fathom what it actually feels like to give birth. I may have had one thing, car accident, pelvis bad, head smashed bad, couldn’t walk properly for about a monthish… or longer, that could be slightly comparable but when I think about what you are doing all I can think is… Oh no.

Really there aren’t words to describe the process. I remember after giving birth to Ephram and being home and healed for a little while Sarah asked me what it was like to watch that. All I could say was that it was the most amazing and terrible thing I have ever seen (please note, all you who have been though this before, that I said seen, not experienced, because it was not me experiencing it). How else do you describe seeing your first born child birthed… like that! Crazy. It’s still crazy thinking about that day 5.5 years ago.

I am very excited to see this little bundle. I have some concerns. Do we have enough room? Can Elin handle not being the only little girl in the house? Is she going to have Elin’s attitude?!? (or her mom’s!!!) But even with these concerns, I am excited. I can’t wait to hold her. To have her grab my hand, smile, stretch, talk, walk, laugh, run, give me attitude, beg me for anything or hear her pray to God herself.

There is so much that I love about being a Dad. I still find it hard to think about the fact that I am a Dad. I feel to old to be starting this process over again, but way to young to have a kid in school, gymnastics, soccer, baseball etc. And I feel way to young to be driving a minivan… even though I am and I kind of enjoy it. But no matter what, I love it. On the hardest days, when I am at my wits end, I love it. I miss them while I’m at work. I don’t care what anyone says, I leave for a day and that is too long without seeing their little faces.

So in the next few days I will have three kids. Three! Honestly.

Lord bless this little baby, and Sarah.

I could go on and on but I’ll spare the rest.

Later,

It wasn’t happening.

I set my book down for a moment to think when it hit me; the world around me was crying out with the glory of it’s creator.

The Sky, pink & blue. Clouds smeared across the sky as if God had thumbed them in at that moment. The orange leaves blowing quietly through the air from the slight and refreshing breeze after a day of the suns beating. The sound of thousands of crickets squealing from the amazing, grass covered, coolies across the road. Honest, strong laughter coming from the kids bedroom.

That isn’t meant to be poetic, and it doesn’t need to be. It was beautiful. It was one of those days you wish everyone could see.

This spoke volumes of our great creator. You can see him everywhere, when you’re willing to look. Even when the Lord is doing good work in my heart I can so easily get caught up right there, in my heart. Today I look out, and I am grateful for air to breathe, paper to write on, a chair to sit on, a wife and kids(soon to be 3) that love me and that I can love.

Later,

Tonight he asked me to search my heart to see who he is.

I thought my reaction was going to be a good one “No God I want revelation!” he then said “Do I need to re-reveal things to you that were already put inside you?” I felt sheepish. It was good to start to look in.

I realized very quickly that what he was showing me wasn’t my own personal feelings of who he was, nor was it fully examples of who he was based on my circumstances. But he was showing me revelation of who he is. Revelation that he gave me years ago and I have let go of. That he is faithful, trustworthy, loving, caring, jealous and also that he is a provider, healer, saviour, Father & King.

What amazing things to let go of.

A while ago I felt led to actually think back through my life and write out specifically things that have happened that have led me to understanding God more as a Father, and heal my own heart of hurts of my past. It was amazing to see that for 12 years (probably more but I could only remember that far back) he has shown me at least one specific thing each year that has brought healing and sanctification in my life.

It’s amazing to me how much God has done in my life and I somehow allow myself to let go of those things just because life gets hard. I don’t really have more to say about it, but feel that I have much repentance to take part in and excited to allow myself to be the excited, passionate, revival seeking, son of The Father that I once was.

The more life throws at me, the more I know I must dig.

Tonight I’m going to dig.

Later,