self-preservation

“It is Abraham’s instinct for self-preservation, and the measures to which it drove him, which must be questioned. He evidently failed to derive strength from the consideration that God’s promise could not be fulfilled in a dead Abraham.”

self-preservation has been something that has been hot on the tongue of my wife for a long time. She seems to sniff it out. And yet it seems to be something that so easily runs through the veins of us normal people.

When things begin to get tough in our lives we see just how normal and strong self-preservation runs through us.

Why do we want to pass blame so quickly?

Why do we always need to justify ourselves before other men?

Why do we lie about things we’ve done wrong?

Why do we shy away from being infront of other people?

Is it because we are worried of messing something up? Or because we are worried that people will not like us?

These are all self-preservations. We seek to keep out name esteemed. We seek to save our hide. We seek to have people know that we are a Godly person. We seek to be the head of a ministry. We need fame, recognition some of us even need to have our egos built.

WE, WE, WE, WE…

When you worship do you say I,I,I,I?

Or do you say  You LORD, You LORD, You LORD

Who do you really worship?

Are you seeking self-preservation? Or are you seeking GODS GLORIFICATION!

 

Paul’s words…

¹²Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, ¹³for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

¹⁴Do all things without grumbling or questioning, ¹⁵that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, ¹⁶holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. ¹⁷Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. ¹⁸Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.

A little while back I got caught up in a conversation with a friend and I uttered these words.

“If I was to proceed in my ministry and something happened and it all crumbled around me and many people fell away and were hurt and it looked like a disaster of epic proportions but somehow in the midst of all of it God was glorified and it is what he needed to happen in order for his Glory to be shown then Lord let it be.”

I sat back afterwards and thought through that for a while and asked myself if I really am okay with that and I think I am. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing inside of me that wants that to happen and I pray that nothing I am a part of has that happen, but the end result is exactly why I am in ministry. To see God’s glory shine across this sinful earth, and have him beckon people to his saving grace is my desire.

I didn’t realize what I was uttering was so closely linked with Paul. I didn’t say it as elegantly as Paul did but in essence what I am saying is “Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering or your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all.” I only want to do what he has called me to. No matter what that looks like, his will is my desire and I ask this to be me….

“for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.”

As we get ready for new a new faze in life, as we get ready for God to take us and mold us, as we get ready I realize I just need to get to my knees. That is all the ready I have in me.

I like Paul’s words…

Hearing Him

“Daddy”

“Yeah”

“Why if Jesus is in my heart do I not hear him talk back to me when I talk to him?”

“UHHH”

Yes this was the interaction between Ephram and I while we were driving to have lunch with a family friend. After my shock and excitement we started to get to the good stuff.

I am blown away by a 4 year old asking me these questions. Only about 1 month ago we started talking about sin and what it really is and that we all do it etc. No I didn’t just throw that all on my 4 year old, he was asking me about it.

These have been some of the most exciting moments in my life as a father. the hugs and kisses and cute things that they do will always have a place in my heart and they will always mean more than I can express but to see my son really entering this eternal relationship with the Father is the best thing I can imagine.

After a little more conversation on hearing God I asked him if he talks to God often. His reply was simple and stunning…

“Yeah”

He told me that he talks to God alot, just in his heart. That he prays when no one else is around. I mean I couldn’t get him to pray blessing over our food or thanks almost at all. It leads me to realize how important it is to not let the ‘traditions’ that we have in our Christian world be what shows us whether someone is quote unquote walking with the LORD.

Elin already is saying thanks by herself. No one has to ask her or tell her she just does it. But Ephram has never been like that. He doesn’t like doing things infront of people, he gets shy and pulls away but when he’s alone… HE PRAYS!

I am beyond excited about this and brings such humility because I know how often I have not been a proper example for him but Gods grace covers him.

I am one excited son,

kidless and tired…

Well it’s not even 8:00 am and my kids are gone from the house and Sarah and I are sitting on the couch wide awake and a little dumbfounded as to what we should be doing.

It’s not exactly an open day, there is enough to do but kidless still makes the rest very different.

I miss the kids.

Yeah I know, they’ve been gone for probably on 15 minutes but I am already thinking about them in that fond “oh I miss them” way. They really are great.

I wouldn’t want to have life any different. I have been so floored these past few days of how huge the blessing in my life has been. I mean in spite of all my faults and how little I truly deserve I am blessed beyond anything I can imagine.

I mean take my wife… wow.

In her alone I have been blessed beyond what I feel capable of relaying or showing my gratitude to God for. Even though I am tired and know that in some ways life was robbed from Sarah and I to get to know each other in a deeper or better way without the added responsibility of children I am so thankful God knew what he was doing.

Like I should expect different…

Later,

busted up my hand

I use the term busted very loosely.

I actually cut my hand, or a falling piece of sharp metal cut it, either way my hand in now cut.

It’s funny because I have always wondered how I would handle something like that. I mean I honestly don’t think that I have a very high pain tolerance but then I realize that I say ouch about things that I think are suppose to hurt me all the time but didn’t. Anyways my mind playing tricks on me isn’t the point, maybe an interesting blog post though. K back on point.

I have never had an injury like this before. I’ve never had stitches. Never cut myself deep or broken anything but fingers and all those were weak breaks. Outside of the car accident that made me have to learn to walk again… not really but sort of… I haven’t had much to deal with.

So I slice open my hand and I freak out a little. I won’t let Sarah look at it because I did, and I could see right into my hand. Past all the white fleshy stuff and down into the hand is where my eyes led me. So I figured oh this is really going to hurt.

It didn’t…

I wrapped it tight kept it above my heart and waited. No I didn’t get stitches cause that would have hurt.

Needles suck.

Anyways here comes the really painful part I think. Peroxide!

Didn’t hurt.

I would say ouch when Sarah touched the cloth and peroxide to the cut and then say “oh that didn’t hurt?”

Slept through the night fine and the next day I wrapped it and it didn’t hurt at all. Today it hurt a couple times because it’s healing and if I move it wrong it will rip the bond the skin made back together and then there is more bleeding and more wrapping.

Anyways I learned that my brain is a wussy and my body is actually tougher than I gave it credit for.

The hand is fine now, being careful with it and letting it grow together the way it needs to. So all that to say I did not ‘Bust Up’ my hand. i have a single fairly deep cut in my hand and it’s ok.

Later,

morning…

This is an excerpt from my journal this morning…

” once the cobwebs were shaken from this loose brain of mine, I remembered my love for my wife and kids, as it should have been yesterday but unfortunately was not.

Not that I didn’t love them then but I was distracted by a couple of things.

First off it is a day with the whole family at the church. Just because it is a day of work mixed with balancing the family and trying to fulfill my work and get to know more brothers and sisters it causes for a busy and sometimes stressful experience.

Although by many it looks to be the slackest day of work every!, it seems to be one of the most draining. Not in a bad way and I am not complaining but it does often leave my head spinning a bit. Not to mention coming off the three days of in bed/bathroom floor/toilet hugging sickness I had previous to yesterday.

Laying in bed, being dreadfully overdramatic feeling as though death would be better, I wasn’t joking saying I was being overdramatic…

The worst part of the whole thing though is seeing and hearing of two things cause by the sickness.

First and maybe the one that hit me the most was my wife’s loneliness at the hands of said sickness. That is something I identify with after 18 months of her being sick all day everyday going to bed by 6:00 many nights.

Loneliness was a nemesis I wrestled far to much in my young life, so to hear that my wife fought that same thing in those moments is pain for me beyond the fever, vomiting, aching, or dehydration I was experiencing.

Lord I pray that my kids would not have to wrestle with loneliness in their lives as I have throughout mine…

I paused…

More than any other thing it has impacted me in deep ways. I do thank you LORD though that both at 15 and 18 and 24 years of age it didn’t matter because that loneliness always led me back to you…

I know I made mistakes in those moments but you were so gracious to keep me through that. So I guess I pray instead that whatever comes to the kids, even loneliness, that they would know your love and grace greater through it. That the truth of your cross, your choice, your blood, your grace, your love would comfort them in all their trials.

LORD don’t hold it back…

Do what you need to so that they would be on their knees before you. I thank you LORD that you love them as you have loved me.

This leads me to my second hurt, which was of a little quiet shadow standing in the doorway of our bedroom saying “ok Daddy?”. Seeing Elin actually upset because something wasn’t right with me was really heart wrenching because it reminded me that this moment of sickness was different enough to upset her pure young world view.

That is where the journal entry ends…

I hate being sick, but I love God teaching me real things in the midst of those times… It would be nice not to have to be so thick that I need three days of pain to deal with some minor issues in my life. Maybe they aren’t so minor.

Later,

encouraging

Maybe for some it’s not much of an encouragement to hear of their depravity and that they are nothing without someone else…

for me, and I would hope for all Christians it would

It seems to be an answer to much really.

Prideful… can’t be because you aren’t anything without Jesus

Low self confidence… shouldn’t be because Christ has made you as everyone else

I have been on a Holiday for the past number of days and spent much time with Good friends in Lethbridge.

I was given a book to read of the Apostle John by Charles Spurgeon. The chapter specifically on John was great as I will describe a little more in a moment but there was one quote that really spoke to me.

“… just as truly as grace seperates the vilest sinner from among the ungodly.”

Wow

The Vilest Sinner is no longer ungodly because of this amazing gift of grace. Does that hit you as it does me. The truth of the Cross revealed in such an amazing way. All of us on one playing field.

He went on to say some amazing truths about John, some things that I would not have thought of truthfully.

John’s statement about himself being the disciple in whom Jesus loves. Both in Chapter 13 and 19 of his Book.

If i was to come to you and out of a whole body of people say that I stood out as the one whom Jesus loved, it would sound a little egotistical at best. But here John is not considered that by any of the other disciples or writers of the word.

Why is that?

How could John make such a statement?

It was true!

John understood something great here. That it wasn’t about him.

This statement was not a proud or egotistical statement because it wasn’t about anything John did or deserved. He understood a truth. He knew that he was loved in some sort of ’special’ way by Christ. But it was never about him.

John was one of the Apostles, one of the early church leaders that took the church to the world. He was one that was incharge of the whole church! He also was one that wrote Gospels and epistles and a book of Prophecy. But he never made mention of his authority or abilities.

Only that Christ loved him…

That is a beautiful thing to me. Deep and pure and beautiful…

Hope that he leads you to the truth of who you are and that you can Boast in Christ and who HE is and what HE made you. Not who you are and what you can do…

Later,

Cornelius

God is on the move…

I know cheezy sounding right. But I do not joke.

God led me to Acts Chapter 10. He is stirring my heart to write this now and really to let his word speak. Please Read only if you are willing to listen. Spring is coming!

Acts 10

¹At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion of what was known as the Italian Cohort, ²a devout man who feared God with all his household, gave alms generously to the people, and prayed continually to God. ³ About the ninth hour of the day he saw clearly in a vision an angel of God come in and say to him, “Cornelius.” ⁴And he stared at him in terror and said, “What is it, Lord?” And he said to him, “Your prayers and your alms have ascended as a memorial before God. ⁵And now send men to Joppa and bring one Simon who is called Peter. ⁶He is lodging with one Simon, a tanner, whose house is by the sea.” ⁷When the angel who spoke to him had departed, he called two of his servants and a devout soldier from among those who attended him,⁸and having related everything to them, he sent them to Joppa.

⁹The next day, as they were on their journey and approaching the city, Peter went up on the housetop about the sixth hour to pray. ¹⁰And he became hungry and wanted something to eat, but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance ¹¹and saw the heavens opened and something like a great sheet descending, being let down by its four corners upon the earth. ¹²In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. ¹³And there came a voice to him: ”Rise, Peter; kill and eat.”¹⁴But Peter said, “By no means, Lord; for I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean.” ¹⁵And the voice came to him again a second time, ”What God has made clean, do not call common.” ¹⁶This happened three times, and the thing was taken up at once to heaven.

¹⁷Now while Peter was inwardly perplexed as to what the vision that he had seen might mean, behold, the men who were sent by Cornelius, having made inquiry for Simon’s house, stood at the gate ¹⁸and called out to ask whether Simon who was called Peter was lodging there. ¹⁹And while Peter was pondering the vision, the Spirit said to him, “Behold, three men are looking for you. ²⁰Rise and go down and accompany them without hesitation, for I have sent them.” ²¹And Peter went down to the men and said, “I am the one you are looking for. What is the reason for your coming?” ²²And they said, “Cornelius, a centurion, an upright and God-fearing man, who is well spoken of by the whole Jewish nation, was directed by a holy angel to send for you to come to his house and to hear what you have to say.” ²³So he invited them in to be his guests.

The next day he rose and went away with them, and some of the brothers from Joppa accompanied him. ²⁴And on the following day they entered Caesarea. Cornelius was expecting them and had called together his relatives and close friends. ²⁵When Peter entered, Cornelius met him and fell down at his feet and worshiped him. ²⁶But Peter lifted him up, saying, ”Stand up; I too am a man.” ²⁷And as he talked with him, he went in and found many persons gathered. ²⁸And he said to them, “You yourselves know how unlawful it is for a Jew to associate with or to visit anyone of another nation, but God has shown me that I should not call any person common or unclean. ²⁹So when I was sent for, I came without objection. I ask then why you sent for me.”

³⁰And Cornelius said, ”Four days ago, about this hour, I was praying in my house at the ninth hour, and behold, a man stood before me in bright clothing ³¹and said, ‘Cornelius, your prayer has been heard and your alms have been remembered before God. ³²Send therefore to Joppa and ask for Simon who is called Peter. He is lodging in the house of Simon, a tanner, by the sea.’ ³³So I sent for you at once, and you have been kind enough to come. Now therefore we are all here in the presence of God to hear all that you have been commanded by the Lord.”

³⁴So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, ³⁵but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what is right is acceptable to him. ³⁶As for the word that he sent to Israel, preaching good news of peace through Jesus Christ (he is Lord of all), ³⁷you yourselves know what happened throughout all Judea, beginning from Galilee after the baptism that John proclaimed: ³⁸how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him. ³⁹And we are witnesses of all that he did both in the country of the Jews and in Jerusalem. They put him to death by hanging him on a tree, ⁴⁰but God raised him on the third day and made him to appear, ⁴¹ not to all the people but to us who had been chosen by God as witnesses, who ate and drank with him after he rose from the dead. ⁴²And he commanded us to preach to the people and to testify that he is the one appointed by God to be judge of the living and the dead. ⁴³ To him all the prophets bear witness that everyone who believes in him receives forgiveness of sins through his name.”

⁴⁴While Peter was still saying these things, the Holy Spirit fell on all who heard the word. ⁴⁵And the believers from among the circumcised who had come with Peter were amazed, because the gift of the Holy Spirit was poured out even on the Gentiles. ⁴⁶For they were hearing them speaking in tongues and extolling God. Then Peter declared, ⁴⁷ “Can anyone withhold water for baptizing these people, who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?” ⁴⁸And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked him to remain for some days.

Later,

Know it!

You are Justified.

You can do nothing to make God love you more…

That is actually not fake. It’s actually the truth. If you have said yes to Gospel and accepted the saving work of Jesus Christ then you are taken from outcast sinner to son/daughter of The Father in heaven.

Nothing you do changes his love for you. When you sin, it is covered by the blood.

Don’t work for it, accept it.

I tell you we should all fight for his sanctification. His holiness should be pursued. It is worth the pursuit. The fight that has ensued is one worth fighting through.

To walk in his holiness is great, it’s so blessed, it’s so freeing.

But it changes nothing of his love. Nothing.

Accept, Repent, Bow and live free from the guilt that we often just accept.

As a young man I knew that God would never stop loving me or love me less when I messed up but I couldn’t help myself to work harder and feel as though I was letting him down if I wasn’t totally Holy (as if I knew what it meant to be fully Holy).

He would never love me less but maybe He could love me more.

That was my pattern.

Now I know he never, NEVER, loves me less or more. He Loves Me upon acceptance.

He love me, He loves me.

I will ever search for You I will ever give life to You, sin, grief, love, joy, pain. All I give to You to sanctify me.

But this I know it will never change Your love for me. It will never change that You are right there to pick me up when I fall.

Thank you Lord, and I pray I would always Know It!

Later,

listening

Well I don’t do this often but I’ve been blessed and so I would like you to be blessed as well.

I’m listening right now to a friend speak of his testimony of leading worship.

Ryan Matchett is a dear friend who has been speaking a series of worshiping in spirit & truth.

It has provoked thought and prayer and searching God’s word in me and I would hope that it would also do it with more.

He’s drawing to the end of this series but they are all the teaches have all been good and I would encourage anyone that reads this to also listen to that. http://www.rolchurch.ca/toddcast.php

I’m privileged to have opportunity to listen to many gifted and blessed speakers. Right now we have Kenn Parker in our church for a set of meetings that we call our ‘Indoor Camp Meeting’.

Blessed…

I love listening to those that listen to God. As I grow and as God bends and breaks and molds my heart, I am blessed. And I look to these men of God and am honored to know so many of them.

This is all just meant as an encouragement to you.

Listen.

Listen to men and women that love Him.

Our Father, Our eldest brother, the spirit that surrounds… when people love him and come in repentance to him and look not for their own glory but to spread the glory of the Gospel, of the Good News, of the Cross and the saving grace that has come through it they are a blessing to listen to.

Some show and spread that Gospel through their music. Some spread through their word. Some a special few can truly spread it through their actions.

Listen for it…

Live by it…

That the Gospel could shape your mind and your actions and every day is a prayer that is within me.

I don’t know what has happened but The Gospel of Christ has taken over my heart. I know it with such delight and yet I know it not at all.

Listen for it…

It’s everywhere, just listen for it…

You WILL find it.

Later,